We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
