You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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