Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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