she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my shit smells like andre
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
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I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
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What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.