I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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