Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
