when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
