mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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