best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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