vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
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Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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