I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
