I wish I could teleport
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
