it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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