watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
