put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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