just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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