plz talk dirty to me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
