I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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