I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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