I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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