By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
