i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
