Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
