i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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