we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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