Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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