What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
