dude i'm inner monologue high
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
