Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
