She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
