So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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