I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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