I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
please don't ironically join a cult
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