when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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