I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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