Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Congratulations! We have a period
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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