Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
