I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
