Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
