YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
