brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
