I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize