your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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