Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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