yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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