if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
