My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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