she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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