So drunk, too bad you don't want this
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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