Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up under a house in Key West
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
