I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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