You really coming over, don't trick.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize