I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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