Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
