garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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