I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
