I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
