I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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