You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
