I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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