She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize