somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
