She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize