i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dick very happy bro
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
