hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
