Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
