Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
