sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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