weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
