tell your sister to shave her snatch
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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